Normally I ask e-mailers if I can quote (or paraphrase) something they wrote in an e-mail before I share it, but this time I didn’t, so if you know who you are, I beg your indulgence.
I was recently asked if I ever read the things people say to me in e-mails and think: Huh? Well, the simple answer is yes. Usually this doesn’t happen, but sometimes it does… Anyway, that question has inspired my blog post this morning. (So thank you!)
Admittedly, I’m a strange person. I won’t deny that. But here are some things that never cease to make me either drop my jaw in shock, roll my eyes in irritation or shake my head in wonder:
- Wooden signs in my nearby city that say “Up With Trees”… (Seriously people?)
- Women who wear flip-flops in 40-degree weather just to show off their new pedicure (When I see this, I’m always tempted to make a jest about how they’ve taken “painting their toes” to a new meaning, since their purple toes seem to match the polish on the toenail…)
- Book reviews that read like this: 1st let me say this book was painfull to read with all the type-o’s and all the grammar arrows… It would benefit greatly from another editor. Now for the story… this book is dribble. don’t let thee good reviews full you (quit honestly, i’d have 2 say all those good reviews have to be from the author or his friends cuz this book is tht bad. stan is an unlickable hero. an judith is the worstest heroin ever. she gives knew meanting to the fraze TSTL. UGH! Good thing it was free or I’d have demanded my .99 back then dug in my couch for a pinny so I could go to Mickey D’s && get something from their $ menu. (You might laugh at this, and it was meant to be funny, but I see stuff like this almost every day. Don’t get me wrong, I think critical reviews are fine, because they, too, can be helpful, but when I see ones like this, I get embarrassed for the author. And I don’t mean the author of the book. I’m talking about the author of this sort of review.)
- Why stores start putting Christmas decorations on sale before Labor Day. (Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a Scrooge, but I don’t see the point in buying your 9′ pine in September.)
- Why adults want dress up on Halloween at work. (Don’t kill me!!! But I just don’t see the point of this.)
- Paying a delivery fee of $4.95 plus a tip on a pizza being delivered from a location less than 1.5 miles away. (I guess I’m cheap but I don’t see why I should have to pay both the delivery fee for his gas, plus a minimum $3 tip when he drove for literally three minutes. For that much money, I could have added a small pizza to my order and just gone to get it myself… And now that’s what I do.)
- Why it’s suddenly a big deal when there’s a place in not charging to sit on Santa’s lap. (This is just sad. While I don’t do the Santa-thing with my kids, I understand visiting Santa is what many kids enjoy most around the holiday season. I just think it’s ridiculous that it’s now mandatory to buy their pictures…)
- People who “tweet” the exact same message eight times in a row. (At first I seriously thought this was a glitch. It’s not. It’s just plain annoying is what it is.)
- When I get coded e-mails like this one: HT Rose, I JF’ed all 3 of SSS and JSYK , ILICISCOMK during LFP when Alex TAHH!!! SO FUNNY, IMO. Looking 4ward 2 the GS–HSG HRG HSHG & HIG. Okay TTYAT. (When I get these sorts of e-mails, my eyes glaze over. It’s only happened twice. Thank goodness. The first time, I spent 45 minutes trying to figure out what they wrote. The second time, I just replied with a simple, “Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I’m glad you enjoyed the books.”, and hoped they said they’d enjoyed the books. Honestly, I don’t know if they did or if there was a secret “You’re the worst writer EVER slipped in there.” I’ll never really know, I guess.)
- Hash tags. (I know, I know, I need to wake up and embrace social networking. But it took me a while to understand what #FF and #WW meant…)And finally:
- Just about anything my 4 y/0 says or does. Just yesterday, he wanted to walk around the store backwards. Of course I let him. If I’ve learned one thing as a mother it’s to pick your battles. And walking backwards wasn’t really going to hurt anything–but no, I didn’t join him in his backwards walking, but I did hold his hand so he wouldn’t unknowingly step in front of a shopping cart.
Rose Unscripted 
So what is a hash tag and FF WW?
Agree completely on the abbreviated words. Especially when someone has a full keyboard to write them with.
An author was outraged about a reviewer that bashed the readers. She felt her skin was thick enough to handle bashing but she not to have her readers attacked. I looked up the review and had to laugh. The person accused the fans of this author of being illiterate! What an oxymoron.
A hash tag is on twitter. It’s like this: #something For example, since you write/post reviews you could include #review #reading and/or #romance in your “tweet” then people doing searches for those words will see your tweet. It’s to help spread the social net, so to speak.
FF is Friday Follow and WW is something-W Wednesday. Both of them are “suggestions” of who your friends think you should follow.
Abbreviated words don’t bother me as much as crazy acronyms. At least abbreviated words have enough of the word present to figure out what it is. Acronyms…that could mean just about anything.
I have a review similar to what you’re talking about, sadly. Actually more than one, I think. She didn’t call my readers illiterate, but she insulted them. I was furious. Unfortunately, in my position, I cannot comment on reviews, so I had to let it go. But I do know how that other author feels and I can certainly empathize with her.
LOL I wear flip-flops in 40 degree weather, but it’s not to show off my toes. I’m just too lazy to put an actual shoe on. It’s going to have to snow or rain for me to go through that much work. 😛
Oh, man those grammar arrows. I sware, when will righters ever learn to make a pooper sentence? (In all seriousness though, I see these kinds of reviews a lot, too. It’s ironic that those who complain the loudest about the editing quality of a book are those who make the most errors. If I was going to crtiicize someone’s editing, I’d make sure I proofed my review so I didn’t look like an idiot. BTW, between three people who have looked at the book I’m getting ready to publish, I still caught a few errors they missed. Perfection is one of those things that it’s just about near impossible for a writer to obtain.)
They charge to sit on Santa’s lap? I don’t do the Santa thing in my house either, but we have let the kids sit on Santa’s lap and have gotten a free picture. We weren’t going to but the store offered. I’m shocked that this has become something we pay for now. Good grief!
As for the EPSWWC (emails people send with weird code), I’ve never gotten that kind, but watch, now that I said that…. IAC (it’s a coming). I never did figure out what that one you put up there was really saying, but the overall tone sounded positive. 🙂
Here’s what makes me go huh?
1. People without kids telling me how to raise mine. (And their experience in this area is where?)
2. Writers who tell me what to do when they haven’t even published a book. (And their experience is where?)
3. Writers who tell me what to price my book at when I see their book is hardly selling anything. (And why should I think that method would work for me if it doesn’t work for them?)
4. My kids who will come up to me and ask me the same question they’ve already asked five times in the past hour. (I don’t know if girls do it, too, but my boys do it a lot; and worse, so does my husband. So I’m not sure if this is a kid thing or a male thing.)
5. People who get in the car to drive up to their mailbox and then drive back into the garage. (Just a little creepy.)
6. One time I saw a speed limit sign for 9 1/2 mph. Unfortunately, I don’t think I still have the picture. 😦
Thanks for the laugh. I needed it this morning.
I’m so glad you found this as funny as I did. Sometimes I just don’t “get it”, you know?
The coded message I posted reads: HT (Hi there). I JF’ed (just finished) SSS (Scandalous Sisters Series) and JSYK (just you know) ILICISCOMY (I laughed, I cried, I spit crumbs on my Kindle) during LFP (Liberty for Paul) when Alex TAHH (talked about hedgehogs), so funny, IMO (in my opinion). Looking forward to GS (Groom Series) HSG, HRG, HSHG, and HIG (Her Sudden Groom, Her Reluctant Groom, Her Secondhand Groom and Her Imperfect Groom). Okay, TTYAT (talk to you another time). Like I said, when I get these, my eyes glaze over.
In my area that charge to sit on Santa’s lap. When I first heard this I swear my jaw almost hit the floor.
LOL on your list of Huh-inducing traits. I have to agree exactly on your list. Except #6. I haven’t seen a 1/2 number on a speed limit sign. I have seen a 17mph sign once by a toll gate. Snapped a picture. Also, I almost call those little yellow hills in the road “speed bumps, but two years ago in Kentucky we saw a sign that said, “speed hump ahead, and…well…I couldn’t resist snapping a picture of that. LOL
LOL! In my classroom, instead of writing “Dismissal” at 3:30, I put things like HAND (Have a nice day), SYAT (See you all tomorrow), DFTDYH (Don’t forget to do your homework) or something relating to something we did that day. Then I give hammerbucks to the first person to figure out what it means (we take 5 minutes each day — builds their critical thinking skills!)
Things that make me go “What the…”
~ parent note that says “Please excuse _____ from doing her homework.”
~ son who says, as we pull out of the driveway on the way to the before-school sitter,”Mom, I don’t know if I should tell you this…” Me: What? He: Never mind. Then we get to the sitters, I find out what he didn’t want to tell me was that he forgot to put his shoes on.
~ friend who is driving is still stopped at when the light turns green because the light isn’t green enough…
~ phone call from my mother-in-law:
SHE: Jo, I’ve been looking for the last hour, and I can’t find my cell phone. What should I do?
ME: Uh, Mom, what are you using to call me with?
SHE: (pause) I’m an idiot…
~Voicemail ON MY CELLPHONE from my mother-in-law: Jo, the hotel just called. They said you left your cellphone at the pool, and someone turned it in. They dialed HOME and talked to me. If you want your cell phone, it’s at the front desk. Love you, honey. (in the background, to Dad, thinking she’d already hung up her phone) Red, sometimes I wonder about our daughter-in-law…
~ person on trial for live-in housekeeper/cook: It can’t be too salty, I didn’t put any salt!
ME: I WATCHED you put a lot of garlic salt!
SHE: Oh, that. I only used that for the garlic.
My favorite: family members who judge me harshly for being a Harry Potter fan. Then they invite me over for zombie apocalypse and walking dead marathons…
My mother would never have written a note to excuse me from doing my homework unless I had spent the previous day on my deathbed. I’ll have to find it again and post it on Facebook, but there is a cartoon that plays out the scenario with what’s wrong with kids and their schoolwork perfectly.
Your others are hysterical! My husband’s 83 year-old grandmother thought I was a genius for using the remote to change the channel. I love her. But some of these other things, like calling to leave a message on a phone that’s supposedly lost. I’ve experience.
Thank you for sharing. I loved these stories!