I'm human too, Just for Fun, My own craziness, Randomness, Real Life, Save me from myself!

A random, somewhat disturbing thought… (you’re welcome)

Last night I had to use a public restroom. The germaphobe inside of me screams and throws a fit whenever I enter one, but sometimes you do what you gotta do…

As I entered the stall, my eyes caught on something shiny on the floor: a quarter. Cringing at the very thought of picking it up, I went about my business and soon realized, there were more coins on the floor.

I counted them up: one quarter, two dimes and a nickel; 50cents.

Hmmm, 50 cents. Do I take it or leave it?

Mentally, I weighed the pros and cons:

PRO–50 cents is 50cents, I don’t care how you get it. It all spends.

CON–It’s only 50 cents, is that worth touching money that’s been on the bathroom floor?

It was at this moment that I realize that if I don’t pick it up, someone else will. Thats just the facts of life. Someone will pick this up–and use it. Which further made me wonder how much of the change that was currently in my pocket had ever been on the floor of a public restroom–or worse.

I’ll let your minds decide the fate of that particular 50 cents (if it went home with me or someone else) and I’ll pose a question to all of you:

Would YOU have picked it up? It is money and it all spends and chances are you’ve unknowingly touched some with a sketchy past…

Or would you have left it alone?

If you’d have left it alone, how many coins would need to be there minimum to tempt you to pick it up?

(Okay, I wrote this very early this morning and my mind went in all sorts of wrong directions! LOL)

I'm human too, My own craziness, Randomness, Real Life

Adulting…I just don’t wanna!

I don’t know if it’s the weather or the stress from gathering all of these blasted forms and calculating my taxes, but today I’ve worked so much on my taxes that I just don’t feel like doing anything else that’s considered being an adult today AKA I won’t be making my word count. As disappointing as that is, if I look at a computer screen for more than another 5-10 minutes I just might go cross-eyed. Permanently.

So what am I going to do?

Well, I had a reader who raved on and on about her adult coloring book and how wonderful it is for stress and getting away from your screen. Do I like to color? Um, not really. But I’m gonna give it a whirl! I’ll keep y’all updated.

Question: What do you do when you need a break?

fun, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, Real Life

More uncouth commercials for everyone to enjoy!!

A few weeks ago I posted some links to some rather funny, albeit satirical, commercials for Quilted Northern. Today, Ragu!

A mother’s spit–the old school Magic Eraser for faces:

No parent would try to secretly replace a deceased pet, would they?

And finally, my personal favorite:

 

Hope you all enjoyed those as much as I did. Now that I’ve had my comic relief I’m headed back to the sofa to chronicle more of Simon and Henrietta’s antics.

Family, funny, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, Randomness, Real Life

Texts from my mom…

It’s Monday morning and as such, we are all in need of a little laugh to kickstart our week. What better way to do that than with a few texts my mom has sent me…

  1. A little backstory, she’s awful at math. So bad, it’s only college algebra that stands between her and a degree…
    IMG_3402
  2. If there was ever any doubt she loves her grandkids…IMG_3403Doubt solved. And yes, I’m a meanie… “Just delete it.”
  3. And finally…the very best way to say Happy Valentine’s Day to your daughter…IMG_3354IMG_3404

If ever you wonder why I’m so scandalous, I think that speaks for itself!

Have a wonderful Monday!!!

 

 

I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, My own craziness, Randomness

Walmart woes…and whoas!

I live in a smaller town and the closest store that has both food and clothes is Walmart. Yes, I could fall into the redneck category–but don’t you dare call me a hillbilly!

However, for as small town/redneck as I might be even I am amazed at times when I go into Wally World. I do try to be polite and keep my head down when I walk through the aisles but sometimes the kid wearing wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt finds you. As does the man dressed like a chicken. Or the woman with the bungee cord holding her pants up, yet her very…uh…generous middrift is in full sight. Of course a trip isn’t complete without at least two toddlers having a meltdown (no judgement here, one of my boys provided that ambiance more than once). 

Oh, Wally World wherever would we be without your low prices, temperamental cashiers and a clean up on aisle 4 that’s been there so long it’s become part of the floor?!

In case you can’t tell, I only go when I must. Yesterday I had to. Remember that flyer I posted up a few weeks ago, the one my boys thought would help them better with sports? Here’s a reminder:

IMG_3231
Well, on the backside was a coupon for a free box valued up to 6.99. This might be tmi but my pride only goes so far. Like most women I don’t enjoy having to buy these. Moreover, they’re rather expensive–especially when you consider what they’re used for. 

I digress. 

The coupon had an upcoming expiration date, so I decided: “It’s now or never”. My wallet screamed, NOW!!!! So I made a little list and off I went. Hey, I might be screwing up my courage to use such a coupon but that isn’t the only thing I’m going to the register with!  I grabbed my items and and headed to the register, but not before seeing theses:

  
Seriously?! It’s January!!! And 25 degrees and they’re displaying (and selling???) bikinis! Again, it’s Walmart. With that such reasoning, I start to look for a register. We have the self checkouts and I typically prefer to use those so I don’t have to deal with the crabapples who run the others, but I wasn’t taking a chance on the machine not scanning my coupon and me having to wave someone over to explain what’s going on. My luck would be that she’s be deaf and not know what to do and call a CSM over–and while waiting 20 minutes for one to meander over, she’d insist on carrying around my tampon coupon to every other station she helped. Then, when the CSM did show up, the lady would have no tact or volume control when she said, “That lady wants to use this here coupon to buy her fancy tampons but the machine is…blah, blah, blah…” Of course this would be followed with, “Ma’am, I’m gonna need to see your tampons…”

NO THANK YOU!

Instead, I walked down the row of cashiers and looked for one who looked to be a female who was older than me, but not my grandma’s age. When I found the right one, I stood in line and waited while she scanned the groceries in front of me. Then it was my turn. She scanned it all and gave me my total. I said, “I have a coupon, too.” Then handed her my strategically folded massive coupon so the bacode was visible but thr picture was not. She scanned it–then her eyes got huge. She unfolded it and started looking it over on both sides. “This just came to your house?”

I nodded. Yep, my address was right there on the back. 

“I gotta check the mail when I get home. I need this for my granddaughter.” Then, the unthinkable happens. She opens it fully and shows it to the lady behind me! “Isn’t this cool? She just got a free box of tampons.”

Without missing a beat the lady behind me goes, “Oh cool, those are the kind I use too.”

And at that moment all I wanted was my receipt and a getaway car! 

I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself

Oh Yeah!

Some of you might remember a post I did not long ago about my son’s…er…journey with wrestling titled Don’t Poke the Bear, the Mama Bear, that is(If you haven’t read it, click the link, then come back.)

So…all of that went down before Christmas break and now we’ve been back in school about three weeks. Over the break, and even before it, as well as since then Bob worked with Henry doing exercises, mainly pushups, and drills and my mom bought him a DVD where they showed drills for us to do at home. Unfortunately, my friend never got back to me, but Bob and I stayed with it and made him do his exercises and practice drills nearly every night since that little brat Reynolds informed him he wouldn’t be wrestling with my son anymore because Henry wasn’t “good enough” for him to practice with.

It’s been around three weeks back to three-day a week practices and Bob and I alternating being the poor sap in the drill who gets roughed up and so far no real change.

Then, it happened…Bob dropped him off at wrestling and then went back to get him. When he walked in there was Henry beating the stuffing out of this kid! (Fairly, I might add.) Over and over and over and over Henry kept pinning him and a few of the others who hadn’t considered him a viable opponent!

Proud Mama, today!

Didja Know?, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself

Didja Know? #3 ~ The secret agony of pushups!

I hate to tell you all this, but I think the majority of you all probably know the fact for today. At least in part. But just in case…

Did you know that a simple pushup works six muscle groups:

  1. Pectoralis major–large chest muscles, think breast area
  2. Deltoids–shoulders
  3. Triceps brachii–backs of the upper arms
  4. Serratus anterior–under the armpits and in the back of the chest
  5. Abdominal muscles–stomach area (even if you’ve got a layer of insulation, you still have muscles under there!)
  6. Coracobrachialis–shoulder blade to upper arm

 

Here are some benefits:

  1. Muscle stretching and strengthening–also adds definition!
  2. Fire up the cardiovascular system which is good for both a healthy heart and weight loss
  3. Improves your posture
  4. Increases bone mass
  5. Best of all…works your abs without the dreaded crunches! (They’re probably not so bad, but I always get vertigo when I do them.)

 

While the above is true for everyone if the pushup is done correctly, my next statement might not be accurate for everyone:

When doing a minimum of two within a five-minute span, be prepared to be extremely sore for no less than 36-hours! This is one of those “don’t ask me how I know” facts. All I can say is: 1. I have another post to put up today that might explain this all a little better and 2. I may or may not be extremely sore after starting a “pushup” challenge yesterday… but I’m not talking.

Bob, I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Writing

Is it impossible to die of embarrassment?!

Earlier this school year, my kids started getting into chatting on the phone. I am not a fan of this as it’s not just the phone, but it’s…FaceTime and it makes me feel as if I HAVE to keep my house spotless at all times because you never know when one of their little friends is going to call.

For example, this morning, I got out of the shower and just as soon as I got my hair up into a makeshift beehive with my towel, the phone starts ringing. I picked it up and almost hit answer when I realized it was a FACETIME call and there was no way I was going to answer such a call wearing a beehive and my birthday suit! Good heavens.

Not to be deterred, a little later when I was dressed, my kids got their grubby hands on the phone and FaceTimed one of their friends. As is custom, each child MUST give a complete tour of their home to everyone who calls–no matter if they’ve seen the house before or not.

After several wails and giggles, I heard them nearing the living room where I’m tapping away on a very…involved scene with Simon an Henrietta (with super messy hair, I might add) and my husband was lounging in a robe and underwear on the couch watching The Larry Crowne Affair. Carefully, I draw myself away from the computer and creep down the hall and position myself so I’ll be out of sight from the camera and inform Henry that his tour needs to stop at the end of the hall today.

He nods his understanding and immediately says, “Billy, I can’t show you anymore, my parents are in the living room watching an adult movie.”

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t tell if I wanted to laugh or die of humiliation! Unfortunately, I only made it worse when I said, “Tell him the movie is fine, it’s that your dad isn’t dressed for viewing.”

He nodded again, “My dad is being inappropriate.”

Just kill me now!

Happy Monday, everyone!

Behind the Scenes, Bob, Characters, funny, I'm human too, Just for Fun, Liberty for Paul, Scandalous Sisters Series, things that make me laugh, Wicked Wednesday

Antique stores–not just for antiques anymore!

I live about 15-20 minutes away from a quaint older town that still has a historic downtown which consists of a main street with massive turn-of-the-century buildings that contain some items as old (or older) than the buildings.

The buildings are old. The floors creak and groan when you walk on them. Some (okay, almost all) of the stores have a…er…aroma when you walk in that seems to get stronger when you pass by specific areas.

I love it!

But what makes these stores interesting is that they’re not antiques all owned by the store owner, but rather the store is divided into sections or booths and it’s like an indoor, year-round flea market. And, what’s also neat is it’s not just limited to antiques. Sure, I’ve found some totally awesome antiques in some of these shops: vintage typewriter, candlestick phone, wall-mounted crank telephone (with guts), ice tongs, cotton scale, 50s style milk bottles–and the carrying crate; I’ve also found plenty of new items that are either made to look vintage or they’re just plain modern, but obviously people (including me…) are buying them or they wouldn’t be putting them in these booths any longer. Some of these include: bath salts, candles, salsa, custom made signs, CDs, tapes, records, DVDs, VHS tapes, greeting cards either handmade or a package of unwanted store-bought cards, soap, fancy mirrors, miscellaneous silver pieces, crayons, mis-matched plates, etc. You name it, it’s in there somewhere. I once half-jokingly told my husband Bob that it’s like some of these people are having a garage sale without the garage or the need to actually bother with running the drawer themselves. If/when it sells, it sells and if it doesn’t, they just go collect it all when they’re ready to stop renting space.

It’s truly a wonder (and I bet you all have at least one of these little treasure troves near you).

About once a month, I go troll through the row of stores. Yesterday was my January “run”. Some months I just go and look and try to keep my jaw hinged. Other times I buy something in each store. I don’t plan it that way, but it happens. I go in. Something calls my name and I have to take it home. I actually save up each month for these trips.

Yesterday only one thing called to me, and oh, did it scream! Now, it’s probably not what anyone else I know would have walked out with, but it had my name written all over it and shows you that I, too, can be just as scandalous as any of the Banks sisters…specifically Liberty. 😉

IMG_3197

So of course, I had to hang it above the door to my laundry room although I doubt anyone will…

IMG_3198

 

(Oh, hey, look as an added bonus, this falls on a Wicked Wednesday!)

I'm human too, I'm the victim of myself, Just for Fun, My own craziness, Randomness

New Year’s Confessional

Okay, I must come clean…

But before I go any further all I can say is, don’t judge me–you know you’ve either done it or at least contemplated it.

I have two boys, one is 10 and one is a sneeze away from nine. Neither are what anyone would consider night owls. Sure, they CAN stay up late,but it makes the next day totally miserable. (I’m sure those of you who’ve done this know exactly where this is going…)

Yesterday, prior to kickoff of the Oklahoma/Clemson Game I announced that from now until midnight it was family time and there were NO electronics and asked my kids to go bring me their Kindles.

And then it happened…

While engrossed in the Sooners vs Clemson game, I may have…uh…moved the clock ahead after the first quarter in the name of getting more snacks. At halftime my kids marveled at how long this game was to which I said, “Yep, it’s the big one!” Then hurried them on to make their New Years’ Hats.

This game was SO big in fact that after it got dark, I might have…well, I moved it ahead again!

And then, for good measure, just as it was wrapping up…I moved the clock ahead by an hour ONE MORE TIME.

Longest game ever. Started at 3pm ended at almost 10pm! (As a side note: for my husband it truly was a long game and not because of my maneuvering of the clock.)

At “10” (or to everyone else in my timezone 7) we rushed to finish our hats and so we could start a movie to watch until midnight.

To help assuage my guilt, I offered to make some milkshakes–and yawned a few times for good measure.

By 10:25 the movie was on and by 11:50 the movie was over and it was go time.

Rushing around like maniacs, we all donned our barely dry party hats and grabbed a cup of confetti. I set the timer on the stove and at midnight we tossed the confetti and cheered. When the cheering ceased, I heard the words, “Wow, it’s already midnight, I’m not even tired.” Followed by, “Yeah, I didn’t even yawn once!”

Tamping down my guilt, I promptly sent the children to bed and went to my room where I sat anxiously in my bed for who knows how long waiting for one of them to barge in and declare I’d tricked them!

Fortunately, nothing came of it and I must have fallen asleep because at the real midnight, I was awakened by some fireworks and crept to the kitchen to fix the clocks.

It’s sure a lot of work being devious, I should really give Lady Olivia more credit than I do…

Okay, now that I’ve come clean it’s y’all’s turn!

(By the way, as I’m typing this, my kids are running around and I’m typing this in a 2″ window so pardon any typos, I’m too scared to go back to the top and re-read…)