For anyone who started following my posts in the last about six months (I don’t think I did this with Contract), I should warn you: it is (almost) a tradition that I post the comments my husband made while editing my upcoming novel. Some are genuinely funny, partially because most of the time he’s not trying to be, and others, well, frankly, just make one of us look like a nut job!
Anyway, enjoy!
- I think “his” sounds better than “the”. Here we are the first page and already a note…worrisome, indeed, Mrs. Gordon. (Perhaps a note–a mere suggestion, but it’s not a genuine typos, Bob!)
- This reads funny…hundredth??? (Well, since you can’t write numbers into a sentence in formal writing, and you certainly cannot end a sentence with them, I didn’t know what to do so I cowed to his demands on this one and have allowed my editor to decide which is better! Oh, and she reads this, so a big thank you!!!)
- How can a three year old grab a book and drop it on his father’s head? (Uh, sweetheart, did you read the paragraph before when I said that Edward hoisted a three year-old Alex onto his shoulders?)
- Corny and might I say a tad unoriginal. (Once again I wonder if my husband read the book prior to this one as carefully as he claimed because this was said about an overlapping storyline and he didn’t have a complaint in the last book.)
- I like the word molecule better
- This sentence needs some serious commas, but I couldn’t begin to decide where
- All the men of the time period and this place probably smelled of tobacco. A sentence later: and they all probably chewed it in public…
- Does this man have boobs? (I’d mentioned this guy pulled Carolina against him–when he shouldn’t have–and her chest collided with one as soft as hers. I was implying that instead of him being muscled and firm, he was…not. So I guess in a way he had that phrase I hate so much: man boobs.)
- Oooh, she should whisper this!
- I do believe the S is missing from shook. Unless you truly meant he hooked his on head?
- Her smile stole her own breath away? Darling, didn’t you know that only I am so dashing as to steal away my own breath with a smile? (Yeah, honey, that’s it.)
- This sounds a little coincidental to be believable. (Well, it is a called fiction. But I did change it, LOL)
- Er…do you know what that means? (No, I did not, however, once my husband explained what a certain word I’d used as a man’s last name was similar to in today’s lingo, I changed it.)
- I’m begging you, please change this.
- Delete.
- More details!
- What?
- Pause for dramatic effect
- A little too dramatic
- I think the word bosom sounds better here.
- Honey, please
- Lowercase t on the epithet
- While balancing on his peg? (All, I’m saying to all of you reading this, get your minds out of the gutter!)
- A man’s heart does not slam in his chest no matter what
- His what? I’ve never heard that term before.
- This just put the wrong sort of mental image in my head.
- This sounds like on the movie The Bachelor, “You Win!”
- Oh my!!!
- This might be a bit too graphic…but I like it
- There’d better not be any dysfunction, or I’m not reading any further
- Great, now their bed is wet…
- I believe mouth is more appropriate than moth in this context
- Is this possible?
- Why?
- ?
And one for those who are not prone to swooning or easily uncomfortable:
- By definition, an erection is rigid
Rose Unscripted 
Rose –
You just made my day! Here I thought my husband was the only one that was sometimes less than tactful in his critique of things I do!
In my case it definately isn’t writing but instead just about anything that I’m determine to “master” (or to be more honest give a try). I’ve tried to tell him (for 42 years) that’s it’s not helpful for him to laugh histerically while I’m trying to “master” something that others make it seem a breeze to do!
One of my latest endevors was to make a quilt for one of my grandchildren. How was I to know that it was one of the hardest patterns to make? (Shouldn’t think like that come with a warning?).
Needless to say (after much swearing – by me – and him laughing, histerically) , I actually managed to to finish it – for the next grandchild born!
Good luck with the story and tell him it’s sweet of him to “offer suggestions” but that your readers really do love your stories (even without his imput).
PS: I fianlly told my husband since he writes slowly and loves to go on the computer that I’d be more than happy to teach him how to type. That way when he goes on the computer he would be able to use ALL his finger not just one!.
Jeanne, I agree, quilting is REALLY hard, and there should be a warning hung in fabric stores as a gentle reminder to those like myself who are awful at sewing.
I sewed as a necessity when I was pregnant with my first son. I was 19 and couldn’t afford maternity clothes, so each week, I’d buy two 2 yards of dollar fabric and make a simple skirt. By the time my son was born, I’d sewn probably about twenty of these stylish pieces and thought I was a master seamstress… So I decided that I’d make a quilt out of his baby clothes (and since I got pregnant again fairly quick, they soon became hand-me-down clothes, first). Anyway, I thought it’d be a great way to remember their baby years by making this quilt. Well, my youngest is five and a half and I don’t have anything more than the pieces “cut” (and not the correct way, I don’t think) and I’ve attempted to sew four pieces together. It’s awful. I just look at the box and get overwhelmed. These days I’m pretty upset I did that because I could have given those clothes to Goodwill for someone else to enjoy, but instead I’ve got 100 squares in my closet that I might never put together.
Back two years ago when I started writing stories, Bob was the only person I could get input from. I didn’t have any writer friends and I always ask him to read the story to make sure a man would do and say something, but half the time I don’t take his suggestions. LOL
I think the old “hunt and peck” method of typing cannot be corrected past a certain age. My dad does that and as a teen I offered to help him learn how to do it correctly and he didn’t any help, claiming his system worked just fine. Whatever.
Once again Bob doesn’t disappoint. I am still laughing at some of the comments.
I’m glad you enjoyed them.
Lol, it’s so sweet he does this for you? Very pertinent comments I’m sure 🙂
He’s does this for all of my stories, and believe me, some comments are far more pertinent than others.
…and some impertinent 😉
He’s a man which roughly translate to 95% of his comments were impertinent. I guess that remaining 5% is why I keep him around!
These are my favorite new novel pre-release posts… Bob cracks me up! My favorite comment this time: This is a little too graphic… But I like it. Lol!
Thanks, Darah. I’m glad you liked this one. He cracks me up, too. Which, of course, is the biggest reason I keep him around. LOL
I love how he stated the obvious on the last one. That just cracked me up.
Well, I think I’d put something about the hero’s “rigid erection” so he had to point out the obvious to me! You don’t even want to know the suggestions he made for replacing “rigid”.
…monumental?
Yes! How did you know?!
Does the name George Washington ring a Liberty Bell?
LOL Yep, it does.